Dr. José María Simón Castellví
Past President FIAMC
I take seriously the statement of St. Paul VI in the letter “Humanae vitae”, in which he asked us doctors to consider it our professional duty to provide ourselves with all the knowledge necessary to give the spouses who consult us on delicate matters the wise counsel and sound guidance which they rightfully expect from us.
For some time now I have realised that nothing should be taken for granted in the preparation for Christian marriage or in the advice given to spouses. Classical morality is hardly ever explained, its books cannot be found, sexuality has completely decayed in society, and some authors of sound ideas are decidedly cancelled in many educational establishments.
Recently a middle-aged married man, a practising Catholic, told me that he watched pornography with his wife to stimulate each other. He had his doubts and asked me. The answer was to quote Christ: “whoever looks at a woman lusting after her has already committed adultery in his heart”. There is not always such a strong sentence in Holy Scripture to answer a doubt. Sometimes it is necessary to combine several phrases or to turn to the Magisterium of the Church. Here, it is clear: you cannot watch pornography. Nothing good will come out of it and they also run the risk of becoming addicted and disrespecting each other.
Male-female intimacy is a good thing, willed by God exclusively in marriage. It is a beautiful thing that brings children to earth and time so that later they can go to heaven and eternity. It unites the spouses very much and also legitimately helps them to sedate concupiscence. The Creator has arranged for the perfect complementarity of man and woman. And in it He has provided for natural cycles of fertility and cycles of non-fertility. It is on the detection of these cycles, which every woman (and husband) should know, that we can base our search for or spacing of a pregnancy. Although they can be learned, for example by studying the book by Dr. Billings, it is a good idea to attend one of the courses offered by Pro Life or other organisations.
It is very sad for me to hear of women who have been taking the contraceptive pill for years and, when they want to have a child, it turns out that they are infertile and that they have never detected fertile cervical mucus (the one that is clear, stretchy and lubricant) coming out of their private parts. It is part of the ignorance brought about by the culture of contraception.
Periodic continence is consubstantial with marriage as there will always be serious reasons to avoid sex: illness, tiredness, travels. Husbands and wives should prepare for it.
In the case of menstruation, many husbands do not feel like having sex. Pregnancy is possible with long periods and short cycles. However, without any intention to use it as a contraceptive, a condom can be used for hygienic reasons if the spouses wish to have intercourse during the period.
The acts, postures or attitudes, with or without light, by which husband and wife give affection to each other are good in themselves. It is certainly necessary to avoid unnatural acts such as, for example, sodomising one’s wife. Touching the private parts is quite right. In some cases climax will be reached prematurely, but the aim should always be a complementary sexual act. Classical morality teaches that if one of the spouses, after a complete union, has not reached climax, the other can help him or her, as he or she will be able to do. The use of a drug against erectile dysfunction, best with personalised medical advice, is correct within marriage. So is the use of pharmacy lubricants. It is understood that everything has its limits and that compulsive use in marriage can also be out of moderation.
Children and adolescents require great patience on the part of parents and educators. Instinctive drives are sometimes very strong and must be corrected with patience. In some cases there will be extenuating circumstances due to immaturity, illness or lack of education. As Dr. Alfonso Balcells wrote in one of his books, the male continent experiences from time to time nocturnal pollutions and very often morning erections. These are physiological events beyond one’s control, just like dreaming of a wife who is not one’s own. One is not responsible for what one does not control, assuming one has avoided certain thoughts and activated healthier ones.
Sexuality is for marriage. Maybe Westerners should marry much earlier than they do. I think they would be better off.
PS/
I am grateful for the advice I received in writing this article from a couple of consultor friends of the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith.
I am not at all disdainful of the difficulties of all kinds that so many marriages have.
……………………………….
