Anne Lastman
in our day with the information available on abortion and its aftereffects and grief, it still remains a contentious issue. It’s a procedure carried out globally at least with an approximate figure of 73,000,000 pa and it’s the single highest contributor to death. It’s an emotive subject and demanded by women as a sign of liberation, feminine rebellion, and a sign of the depth of immorality and depravity which has descended on humanity, with woman leading the charge. It’s the most common medical procedure carried out. The aftereffects of abortion, though their existence remain contested, I believe have cast a shadow over the land, though there is sufficient evidence with both studies and anecdotal evidence to suggest that post abortion trauma and grief are a reality and not “in my head.”
Beginning in early 1980s medical interest began in earnest and the psychological sequelae disturbing and considered to be a type of post-traumatic stress disorder characterised by at times delayed development of symptoms resulting from impacted emotional reactions to the perceived physical and emotional trauma of abortion. Abortion grief, it was found, is not like a more severe form of post-natal depression but more serious, longer lasting, and subsequently affecting of the development of personality.
Whilst in the early stages of interest by the medical and mental health profession the thing most agreed upon was that there was a negative response to abortion, with some women experiencing deeper grief reactions, than others. This abortion grief was also thought to be similar to the grief experienced due to other foetal loss example miscarriage, and other foetal loss not induced but involuntary.
Through the many studies which were beginning to be carried out, and their outcome, presented for both medical and public consumption, it was found that abortion caused a grief similar to any loss of pregnancy. Whilst the findings of researchers seemed to vary, what was brought to attention was the similarity with the experience of trauma.
Abortion grief is believed to be at times “slow developing” and this central to the problem. It’s the slow development which means that it may take from months to years before certain behavioural symptoms or patterns are identified and related to the past abortion. The grief over time developed and intensified because the abortion was not acknowledged as possible cause and remained a topic out of the realm of possibilities for the cause of the ongoing grief.
The symptoms exhibited with grief which are clearly associated with an abortion, guilt, shame depression, anxiety, diminished self-esteem, self-destructive behaviours, relationship difficulties, ongoing pervasive sadness, substance/alcohol abuse and very much, in my practice, suicide ideation and completed suicides. (“to be with me baby”) increased tendency to violence (especially in males) and later discovered link to breast cancer.
Some indications which further suggest that abortion grief is present, hyper alertness, avoidance of anything natal, avoidance of reproductive matters, emotional shutdown, which is an interesting one because it was explained to me by client (post abortive) that if she permitted
herself to feel then the memories, of what she had done and the resultant loss, and what might have been, would re-open and she wouldn’t be able to shut the gate down. The pain would be too much.
Whilst DSM IVhas removed abortion as a psychosocial stressor, this does not mean that abortion falls within the “normal” range of daily human experience because the response to abortion, whether acknowledged at the time of the procedure or over time, onset of guilt is a definite factor and further anxiety, depression, regret sense of empty following the abortion also a factors. Abortion, whether for a minority or extensive number in the population, is a traumatic life event and it requires acknowledgement that it did occur and not remain in the category of disenfranchisement. Foetal death, including abortion requires recognition that it happened and the grief treated as a loss experience, even at times a complicated grief experience. Perhaps even understood that abortion has not and does not empower woman, or liberate her, but the knowledge that in time the abortion may come to be seen by her as the death of the feminine. Her motherhood potential.
The predominant features of post abortion pain and grief appear to be denial and suppression. These two defence mechanisms (Freud, 1920) are put in place, at times prior to the abortion itself or immediately following the procedure. Denial serves to refuse to see and believe that the abortion is anything other than a medical procedure removing “product of conception” (told to patient by clinic nurse) and not the death of a human being (her baby), because this could not be tolerated, and immediately begins the denial of what actually happened and suppression (a very strong defence mechanism) which helps to erase/cover the experience from conscious memory. However, long term denial and suppression may actually serve to create more psychological difficulties because whilst the event is deeply hidden, the permanent or long-term storage of such trauma, without resolution, causes serious psychological behaviours which eventuate including confused life beliefs (it’s my body. Its ok I’m ok. It’s not as baby. It’s tissue)
The genesis and psychological predisposition of the woman pre her abortion, I believe, contributes to the actual outcome. This based on her feelings and attitude at the time of her abortion, indicate the depth of her refusal to heal from her regret. From my experience counselling post abortive women I found that those who were distressed leading to the abortion were more likely to experience severest grief. Further, those who had a moral conflict over the abortion, example, religious beliefs, and if forced to abort because of need or circumstance were more likely to be affected. A deep forgetting was necessary.
As a post abortion grief counsellor with nearly thirty years’ experience in this field I would offer a response to this. Over time, I have counselled many women who did not experience difficulty with reaching the decision to abort or even any difficulty after the abortion. Indeed, they reported that they were relieved that the difficulties associated with being pregnant were resolved and they could return to the life pre-pregnancy. However, in one particular case, the abortion happened 62 years earlier. My client, now 79 years old, said that she found herself pregnant she knew family and society would have been scandalised, so the choice was made to quietly abort and seemingly return to “normal” without the knowledge of anyone. Years later she was watching an American TV program where one of the characters became pregnant and sought advice regarding an abortion. This particular episode acted as a trigger for my client who burst into uncontrollable tears and would not be consoled. The tears, withdrawal, dreams about her baby “girl” continued for many weeks before she sought help (she was a widow with adult children). Her call to the “crisis” line brought her to me. Her abortion had lain dormant for many years. The trigger resurrected her own experience.
A different case is the woman who came to me (referred by pregnancy centre) because she was experiencing a pregnancy which she was happy about but could not bond with her child. Indeed, she would not even refer to her baby as a “baby” but as “it.” She called the pregnancy centre for support and to try and understand why she couldn’t connect with her in utero infant and in the discussion admitted that prior to this pregnancy she’d had two abortion. Interestingly this lady said to me at our first session “I know I can’t love this baby because I couldn’t love the other two” It appears that since her abortions she had, at a deep level, separated herself from her womb and reproductive system and could not reestablish connection with that part of her body. It further seemed that because her womb had been violently vacated, she felt that no love was left for the womb to accept another child and/or for her to love her new child.
For this particular woman (now married) the meaning of pregnancy had changed. When she had her abortions, she was unmarried and in transient relationships therefore the abortion seemed a necessary part of that state of being, a necessity. However, when she was married and able to be pregnant the meaning of “pregnancy” had not changed with her new state of being happily married and being happily pregnant. She still remained in a state of “I can’t have this baby.”
Perhaps the important thing about the research into this area is that bonding doesn’t occur only when all settings are correct but bonding actually does begin from conception even before the woman knows she’s pregnant. She knows that her body feels different. Acknowledging the bonding and then loss of the same pregnancy, irrespective of method of loss (e.g. miscarriage, abortion) will cause pain, especially if noted as a death experience. Perceiving abortion as an intentional death experience rather than a pregnancy loss ensures that guilt will be stronger, and boundary ambiguity, which is the woman’s psychological attachment to the absent baby will continue at a deeper level and will be more difficult to be resolved and will cause deep psychological distress
The counselling of individuals affected by abortion grief, their fear, anxiety, self-hatred, guilt, presents many challenges because we are dealing with an issue, which is highly emotive. The politics surrounding this issue ensures that confusion will continue to impede acknowledgement and programmes written and made available to counsellors, medical professionals, mental health professionals. If consensus cannot be reached then health of those who suffer will be further compromised.
However, having said this, it’s important to note that research into this issue continues and increase and this will ensure that more and more will be discovered as to why it is that some appear unaffected by their abortion experience (at least temporarily) whilst others become severely traumatised (pre and post abortion) To this end it’s imperative that mental health researchers continue this work.
Notwithstanding hopes for future answers, treatment for abortion grief is still in the early stages as counsellors try to understand this type of loss. A problem, which is faced by counsellors, is the societal denial, which accompanies the belief that abortion is a ‘non-event.’ Its lobbyists, forcibly demand that it’s “my body my choice” and with these demands the acceptance of abortion to all gestational ages. Babies born alive because of failed abortions not assisted because the woman had demanded a dead baby and therefore left to die. One could say a modern understanding of offering to Moloch
We have a further issue to contend with and that is that abortion is now considered almost like a badge of “honour” whereas in past societies it was considered a horror. Inconceivable, shameful. However, abortion became “normal” when sexual revolution, contraception, sexual revolution, governments making decisions on matters of intimacy, liberation from past norms, changes of family structures, transient families came into being.
Above all used and abused sexuality led to open and rampant sexuality even in the youngest of women (girls 13 yrs olds on contraception then abortion then became a necessity. Politically, abortion issue a vote winner and gave it strength. This rejection of life mostly by women eventually led to all changes relating to intimacy. Woman rejected her infant, now man wants to conceive and the transgender issue to surface. Refusal of life as God created has led to acceptance of forced demands for life by mechanical and illegitimate means.
Abortion grief counselling is not a six-session relationship but in needs to be a work in stages. First development of trust between therapist and client and then slow retelling of story and commitment from client to want to proceed forward. From then on work begins by breaking of barriers, and defence mechanisms, acceptance of loss and breaking denial which is important and is to be done in stages. First remembering (the most difficult part and painful part). Then acceptance of the loss of someone who was and is important to her.
My own treatment plan, which has been developed over many years, is based on my own experience of personal healing and then being encouraged by my priest “now go and do for others what the Lord has done for you” (and I have tried) continuing to study abortion, its meaning, its pain, and studying consequences of this suffering, loss, grief. Forgiveness and the overarching connection. Love. Love points to error but also to its healing. Love knows no hatred. Only love can show that life is beyond measure. Believing in Merciful forgiveness which is available to all. Over time my counselling model was and is being developed and changes and as I learn more my treatment plan, is modified according to the new understanding of those suffering from this unique kind of grief. Only love can lift the canopy of darkness which now covers the land because the voices of the innocent cry out for mercy and tears of their mothers fall on the earth.
